🩷 Your Birth, Your Choices: How to Advocate for in Labor

Why Advocacy Matters

When you're in the heat of the moment of birth, the last thing you want is someone fear-mongering you into something you don’t want or didn’t agree to.
As a doula, it’s so important to me that I stand up for my clients and what they want. I see my role as a support but also as a witness to your birth — an extra pair of eyes in the room who’s there to remind everyone that your consent matters.

I don’t want to be confrontational, but I will gently pause a moment and say something like, “Let’s take a breath and see if mom is okay with this procedure or assistance.” I’ve been in situations where consent wasn’t asked for, where pressure or authority was used to push things on parents. Those moments stay with you — and they remind me why this matters so deeply.

Being a self-advocate doesn’t mean you have to be rude, disrespectful, or “difficult.” It means you’re standing up for your beliefs, your values, and your right to have your needs and wishes respected.

Knowing that you have the right to make choices about your body and your birth is powerful. And in this post, I want to help you step into that power — to know your rights, ask questions, and build a support team that makes your voice heard.

1. Know Your Rights and Options

You have the right to informed consent — and informed refusal. No one should perform any procedure, exam, or intervention without your clear permission.

Informed consent means you’ve been told:

• What is being offered
  
  

• Why it’s being recommended
  
  

• What the benefits and risks are
  
  

• What your alternatives might be
  
  

• What could happen if you wait or decline
  
  

Knowing your options gives you confidence and helps you make choices that align with your birth values.
If you’re birthing in a hospital, take some time to learn about common procedures like cervical checks, continuous monitoring, or IV fluids — what they are, when they’re needed, and when they’re optional. Learn the meaning of hospital policy. 

Too often I hear moms say they had to get checked or had to have IV fluids because it was the hospital's policy. This is not a medical necessity and it's within your rights to decline things. To make an educated decision.

It’s not about saying “no” to everything — it’s about saying “yes” when it feels right and peaceful for you.
Remember: God gave you wisdom, intuition, and free will for a reason. You are allowed to ask questions, pause, and make decisions that bring peace to you and align with your values.

2. Ask Questions — Even in the Moment

In the intensity of labor, it can feel intimidating to slow things down and speak up. But asking questions is one of the most powerful forms of advocacy.

A simple tool to help you do this is the BRAIN acronym:

• Benefits – What are the benefits of this procedure or medication?
  
  

• Risks – What are the possible risks or side effects?
  
  

• Alternatives – Are there other options we can try first?
  
  

• Intuition – What does my gut (or the Holy Spirit) tell me about this?
  
  

• Nothing – What happens if we wait and do nothing for a bit?
  
  

It’s okay to pause and ask your care provider to explain things in plain language. Even taking a few deep breaths before responding can help you find clarity and calm.

💡 Doula tip: Practice asking these kinds of questions out loud before you’re in labor. It’ll feel more natural when the time comes.

3. Build a Supportive Birth Team

The people you choose to surround yourself with in birth make all the difference.

Start by choosing a provider who listens, answers your questions respectfully, and supports your birth preferences. During interviews or prenatal visits, try asking:

• “How do you support client-led decision-making?”
  
  

• “What happens if I decline a procedure?”
  
  

• “How do you typically handle unmedicated or low-intervention births?”
  
  

(P.S. I have a Power Pregnancy bundle that includes a list of questions to ask your care providers early in labor to make sure you find the best provider for you) 

Your birth setting also matters — some hospitals and birth centers have more flexibility and respect for autonomy than others.

If you have a doula, she’ll help hold space for your voice and values. And don’t forget your partner — they can be your biggest advocate when you’re deep in labor. I often remind partners that their calm presence and willingness to ask, “Can we take a moment?” is one of the most protective things they can do for mom and baby.

4. Prepare Your Mind and Voice Before Labor

Advocacy doesn’t start in the birth room — it starts now, with mindset and preparation.

Practice saying things like:

• “Can we have a minute to think about that?”
  
  

• “I’d like to understand my options first.”
  
  

• “No, thank you — I’m not comfortable with that right now.”
  
  

It might feel awkward at first, but the more you practice, the easier it becomes. You can even role-play with your partner or doula during your prenatal visits.

Write down your values and priorities — what’s most important to you? Is it avoiding unnecessary interventions? Having quiet, uninterrupted bonding time after birth? Staying mobile during labor? Knowing this ahead of time helps you speak from calm conviction rather than stress or fear. 

I work virtually with women to figure out their overall birth vision and what matters most to each individual person. Check out my virtual doula services here

Confidence doesn’t mean you’ll never feel nervous — it means you’ve prepared your heart, mind, and voice ahead of time.

5. When Things Don’t Go As Planned

Even with preparation, birth can sometimes take unexpected turns. Emergencies or quick changes can happen — but informed consent still applies.

If a provider recommends something urgently, you can still ask:

• “Can you explain what’s happening?”
  
  

• “What are you most concerned about right now?”
  
  

• “What are our options?”
  
  

These questions help you stay grounded and aware, even in moments of uncertainty.

Remember: flexibility doesn’t mean giving up your voice. You can still make empowered choices, even if your birth looks different than you imagined.

And if that happens, remind yourself that your birth story is still sacred and strong. You are still the one who birthed your baby — and that’s powerful beyond measure.

When plans shift, I often encourage my clients to pause, breathe, and pray. Ask God to fill the room with peace, to guide your care team’s hands, and to remind you that you are not alone. He is with you through every contraction, every decision, and every moment of surrender.

Conclusion: Empowered, Not “Difficult”

Being your own advocate doesn’t mean being controlling or combative — it means knowing your worth and using your voice. You deserve to be respected, heard, and involved in every decision made about your birth.

So the next time someone tells you to “just trust the process,” remember: trusting the process also means trusting yourself.

If you want to go deeper into this — to feel calm, confident, and truly prepared for birth — I’d love to support you. Whether that’s through my virtual coaching calls, in-person doula care, or my upcoming workshop on birth mindset and self-advocacy, you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Your birth, your body, your choices.
And you are fully capable of making them with grace and strength.